14.9.06

the laziest day in the entire world.

and i loved every minute of it. As yesterday I was horribly hungover after a night with my only real friend in this city... a night filled with over-indulging in over-priced booze, I had the best night of sleep last night that I have had in weeks. Yesterday was an interesting day... started off with a wake-up call from the delivery man to tell me he was at my door with my new bed... although unfortunately for him, I was half way across town, wrapped in the arms of a very very attractive "friend"... in my broken french I somehow told them I was on my way "dix minutes, s'il vous plait" knowing more than well, it was atleast a good twenty five minutes from his apartment back to mine...(i have a problem with lying when i am late, in my mind i am simply being optimistic) After running home expecting some very peeved delivery men, I found my beautiful new bed sitting outside my door, completely unharmed and alone, unless you count the lazer beam looks of death from my neighbor, who apparently did not appreciate the large delivery blocking the stairs (oops)... So being wide awake now, and suffering from an extreme case of dizziness, I proceeded to continue on with my day, even though I desperately needed and craved a nap. I slept damn good last night, so when I awoke this morning at nine to another ringing phone (this time it was a much better wake up call.... my mother :) it was painful to wake up... You know what i mean? when you are so deep in your slumber that it literally hurts to rouse yourself from bed? I never recovered from it... took a nap, and was absolutely useless. I love my life.

I also had a somewhat shocking surprise upon waking this morning and checking my email. A mail from the "nameless/souless man", as I like to refer to him. and it took me a while to realize it, but I fell pretty much madly in love with him the moment I met him, I simply tried to deny it in order to protect my heart. But love is not exactly something that is easy to ignore, or turn your back on. I tried, hard. but i was terribly unsuccessful. It seems as every time I think i have shoved his memory into my emotional closet to live amongst the mothballs... he finds a cruel way to remind me of his existence. evil. evil. evil. We had a fantastic love affair in the weeks before I left, but both strongly avoided any conversation regarding my departure or the reality of what we were doing. I did everything in my power to let the "nameless/souless" to believe that this was nothing more than a sexual escapade between friends... I thought my feelings for him were probably obvious, so being the six and a half year old that i am (and with a horrible fear of rejection)... I would do everything in my power to convince him otherwise. Regardless, after almost two months away from and still not being able to shake him, and after having received one email from him which said "i miss you, come home", and me writing a witty and flirty response and never hearing boo from him again, I decided that life was much too short not to tell those who you care for the truth. I wrote him a letter- a real one, none of this email nonsense- and basically professed my love for him, carefully, but I admitted to the fact that i was half way across the world and stop thinking about him. I emotionally vomited onto the paper, sealed the envelope and left my fate to the french and american postal service. a week passed (about the time it would take for him to receive it) and nothing... two weeks, nothing.... a month, nothing... now almost two months later, I receive an email which does not even hint on the subject of the letter. I had cut him out. Decided he was nothing but a coward to receive such a letter and do absolutely nothing. But what if he never received it? eeewwww... I think all of my evil thoughts towards him might have been unwarranted. I liked my dream of seeing him in the future, calling him a coward and walking away, but now he might not be as big a coward as i thought. humph. what is a girl to do? i think i might have actually suceeded in getting over him. if that is the case, i think i will be just fine. we will just have to see.
Who links to me?